drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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