you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
