yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
