tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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