He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
