as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
