That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
