The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
