As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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