Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
