Please, let me fuck your mom
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
