Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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