Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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