she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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