i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
