when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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