Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
