office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
