kristin has been a bad kristin
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
