i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
me + whiskey = a bad person
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
