I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
