me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
