I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
