I didn't shave. On purpose
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize