I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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