'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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