the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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