that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
