You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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