it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
