She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
whose ass print is on the piano?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
