so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize