And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
