Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
