now i know why i became what i already was.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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