Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
