I just saw a hot homeless man
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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