so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
