HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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