she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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