I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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