susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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