His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
