I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
