Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
