If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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