Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
