it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize