i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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