I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
