my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize