i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
