he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you had me at cake vodka
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
