I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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