i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize