I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize