spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
