Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
