This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
