and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
