There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
