so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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