She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
