Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
