Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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