Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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