I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
