You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize