this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
